I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
