You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
