i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
