He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
