If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
