You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
