There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
