You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
