This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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