New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
