She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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