I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need to align my fucking chakras
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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