He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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