i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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