i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
