My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
