hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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