I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
