Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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