im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
