I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
