You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
