just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Drake has all the answers
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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