This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
