I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
