I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
