...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
