Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
