I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
