I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
