Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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