Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
