If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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