maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
