He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
