We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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