she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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