thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
