Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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