we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
