Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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