pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
