meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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