i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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