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We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
