I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
