The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
