My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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