Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
