so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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