I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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