I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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