I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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