How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
