so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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