I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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