Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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