Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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